Love's Labor Lost?

How many of us would have known more than one mother? Well, I have. She did not give birth to me, but nurtured me just as a mother would. I was her cradle child right from the moment I came into this world. We loved, fought, hated too - it was a vicious cycle we thoroughly reveled in. While my parents were busy at work, it was she who kept a hawk's eye on brother and me, while we did our best to give her the slip! There were many nights when she whisked sleepy eyed us to her modest house a few kilometers away - to her world, her people, for the much awaited 'Shanimatma' plays staged on the streets...there was magic in the air when the leelas of Shani and Krishna came alive for us at the crack of dawn. I would wake up with a start, having fallen asleep on her lap, seeing strange people around me, but one look at her and the reassurance was enough.  

I still feel her touch when she used to wash my thick hair with love, and painstakingly removed the tangles keeping impatient me regaled with stories of 'Neelima - a reincarnation', and Dalimba Devi, the princess who emerged from Dalimbe hannu or the pomegranate fruit.. 

If mom and dad were responsible for the book bug, then she was an equal partner in crime with her storytelling skills, transporting me to a world of fairies, princes-princesses, haunted houses, evil spirits of unfulfilled souls, mostly women (yes, semi-lettered that she was, she was a feminist with a passion for the unknown, dark forces too.  

I still remember the walks to and fro from home to school and back with her..Well, she was a gutsy, fiery woman who did not brook nonsense beyond a point. The story goes that she walked right into my brother's classroom one day and demanded justice for him from his class teacher, when she was convinced that he had done no wrong. Now, that was some feat considering she was dealing with snooty ladies in one of the city's elitist schools in the early '80's:) 

I still recall the eagerness with which she awaited all the early DD soaps and shows we loved to watch. The little imp that I was, I insisted my dinner was done and my bed ready, I would want to snuggle in, just in time for Yeh Jo Hain Zindagi, so that the minute it got over, I could drop off to sleep then and there - she used to watch every episode with wide eyes and began to understand a fair amount of Hindi, over a period of time, much to our amusement..Bully me, I used to tease and rag her relentlessly with "so what did that mean, and what did this mean?."  Unfazed, she would give quick, sharp, witty answers, that resulted in loud endless peals of laughter, as I clapped my hands in sheer glee at having met my first victim and match! If mom was an early childhood hero, so was she; there were strong undercurrents of female power in the household, dad's powerful, authoritarian presence notwithstanding. 

Sailing into middle and high school and adolescence after moving into the city's peaceful suburbs, there was a clear cut power struggle between the two of us since rebellious teen me could not tolerate her dominating ways; she got ticked off almost everyday. Not to take things lying down, she made sure matters invariably went to Mom's 'fast track courts' for justice. Poor, hapless mom had to intervene in these juvenile power fights despite a hectic day at work and the other demands of life she grappled with, just so that peace was restored between her mutinous teen and an equally bull headed nanny who thought she knew best for her ward. One day, post such an altercation, I was in a rage and went right up to my mom and bellowed, "Could you just ask this 'Idiot' to mind her own business? She s getting too big for her boots". Mortified, Mom was all set to scold me for the profanities I was using when pat came the retort from behind.."Why are you 'tussing' and 'pussing'in English? Why can't we have a dialogue in Kannada or even in Tamil, I could beat you hands down! And by the way, you cant call me 'Idli' to my face!" 

Despite all these behind-the- scenes drama, we were thick friends - she continued to wait on me from head to toe - yes, she did, amidst Mom's mild admonition that I was slowly and surely turning into an overweight, lazy brat. An inseparable part of our household, she was the 'know-it-all'; relatives and friends alike knew her as an extension of ourselves - my closest pals knew her just as she knew them, the affection was mutual and they too got a taste of the lady's bossy ways! The yummy meals she served us till we threw up and had to loosen our trouser belts and plead for mercy with the 'Dragon'. Well, the simpleton that she was, she believed young girls ought to eat well - they needed the strength to deal with the men, you see! Now, could I beat the logic? 

Even as I moved on to other stations in life, I always made sure I spent time with her whenever I visited my folks. She was always concerned about my well-being and happiness in my new home, her only refrain being, "Are you happy, child?" with a searching look on my face. When my parents relocated, she felt it was protocol for her to move in with her people. Well, how wrong she was. Abandoned by her 'people' - selfish relatives, who extracted all that they could from her both in money and kind, before dumping her, she had to fall back on my family for support. In an old age home since early last year, she used to eagerly await my brother's and my visits every other weekend. 

Years later, now, I realize the depth of her struggles - a single woman, who boldly walked out on her womanizing husband. Life was not easy. It is never so, to be alone and lonely in a man's world. She braved it all - desertion, rejection, denial of motherhood - her harshness perhaps stemmed from the insecurity of a gentle, vulnerable, woman who was afraid of being taken for a ride; after all, isn't offense the best form of defense? Someone who held her emotions on her sleeve. "They are always emotional, the good ones", said Hank Moody, the groovy lead of Zee Cafe's once popular late night series "Californication".  I cant help, but agree.

 After over a year in the old age home, she took ill and was diagnosed of acute renal failure and emergency dialysis was recommended. Distraught, my brother and I prayed hard for her to pull through, but, fate willed otherwise. She passed onto the ages after 15 days at hospital and 3 painful days in Intensive Care. I froze on seeing her lifeless body and as I went about informing 'her' 'people' and settling her affairs. I realized, in a flash, what I had and what I lost.

My brother and I were no less her children, but ironically, we had no right over her in death. She didn't belong to us - our family, our caste, our community. We had to give in to the diktat of custom and decorum.

Love always comes in our lives - in different shapes and forms. We have to cherish it and know what is genuine and what is not. Tell me, how many of us would have known and been loved by more than one mother? Well, I had. RIP Papamma.

Pyar Ka Panchnama: Misogynist's Delight

So it took a Pyar Ka Panchnama to shake me out of my year long hibernation from blogging... so be it and its not bad for a comeback especially when it gives the author the delicious pleasure of dissection:))....

PKP is debutant director, Luv (is his name being quirky about love or is this the Luv-Kush wala Luv?) Ranjan's diatribe against the fair sex - their viles, machinations and their maneuvers in relationships. Ladies, take a small breath, for our dear Luv is a misogynist who seems to revel in female bashing! The story follows three friends Rajat (Kartikeya Tiwari), Vikrant (Raayo Bhakhirta)and Nishant aka Liquid (Divyendu Sharma), through their loves and woes. What B town's latest outing tells you is a lopsided almost immature tale of how a guy can be 'ruined' in a relationship :)). Excuse me, Mr Luv or is it Hate, but is this a fallout of your personal experience? Is there any substance to the tale? Well, if so, my sympathies are with you. But, wouldnt it would have served you better if you had done a little more soul searching...achha, ok, that was too big a word..a little more research before dismissing the three ladies, Neha (Nushrat Bharucha), Riya(Shonali Sehgal) and Charu(Ishita Sharma), as manipulative, demanding, nagging, confused b*****s of the first order...??? :)

And then of course, there is a five minute non-stop monologue by our dear uxorious Rajat who is neck deep in distress in a live-in relationship with Neha (His "Babu, I Love You" bits in the movie are hilarious)and is heading nowhere...So, ladies, if you thought till now, that you stood right behind a successful man, please be informed by Rajat that now, you could very well be the cause for his destruction as well!:) The rabble rousing doesn't end here; take a sharp breath, Vikrant and Liquid have equally fascinating miseries to narrate.

Vikrant is in love with model Riya, who is trying hard to come out of a long standing relationship and is 'torn' between Mr Current and Mr Ex. Riya's way of handling the break up with Mr Ex (which she insists will be the way SHE will deal with it:)) amounts to having dubious 'discussions' with him (which Vikrant suspects invariably lead to sex)and our poor hero feels thoroughly used. It isnt a very rosy feeling..to imagine your woman getting cosy with two men at the same time, tch, tch, ram ram, what are women upto these days?

Nishant's story is by far the sorriest of the lot. The poor seedha-saadha bhola bhala, albeit foul mouthed Liquid falls for Charu, his colleague who uses him like a tissue for work as well as other secretarial chores -shopping, paying her bills et al..While the other two boys successfully manage a semblance of having sex lives, our Liquid just about manages to steal half a kiss with Charu, only to be dumped unceremoniously by the lady. Charu, you see, is another archetype of Luv's imagination of the female species, who two-times a long distance relationship and a lallu colleague with practiced ease.

The ending? Cliched. The three boys are so disgusted that they walk out and come back to square one. So, Mr Luv, while I do feel PKP is flawed, I would not want to take away anything from you or the lead actors' performances which are very credible, considering they are all newcomers. And that is what sustains our interest for close to three hours. Clumsy editing and the censored beeps apart, PKP is worth a watch. Watch it to get a slice of where urban relationships are supposedly headed, all of course, seen from the jaundiced eyes of Luv Ranjan Bhai. And its a no-brainer to know that men are indeed from Mars while women remain in Venus, which the movie kind of highlights,though with a steep bias. I am tempted to direct a sequel to this Panchnama with a strong 'punch'. Any takers? :)

Development Comes at a Price

Having been in the IT channel space for a while now, I fancied writing for channel partners was fun. Most of their vendors, if I may repeat the jargon they often used, wanted to 'explore' the B and C cities in the country, and 'penetrate' the markets there:). Most of my stories and that of my colleagues would be full of these aspirational 'X opens India office and forays into top ten cities and eyes 50 more' write-ups. I wrote on, mindless of what a B class city may be looking like. Little did I know the vendors may have had a point in eyeing their favourite 'A and B class cities' till I actually went there to the A and B class cities myself and took a good look. My visits to places such as Mysore, Mangalore, Cochin, Thiruvanthapuram and Vishakapatnam have been eye-openers in more ways than one. For starters, the infrastructure in these cities - be it roads and traffic regulation are infinitely better than in some of the bigger cities.. sorry, population in the metros cannot be an excuse for badly laid roads, potholes, open drains and the like. Then, they have virtually everything that the citizens can enjoy in terms of lifestyle- malls, coffee shops, restaurants, pubs, and zillions of others. The availability of transport is not an issue either. Other essential services are on par with the so-called metros - the power cuts in the bigger cities would amount to the same! :). Postal and courier services, banks, schools, colleges, provision stores, medical stores... so what does a consumer lack? Practically nothing, besides he has the luxury of a lesser polluted environment, well, atleast for the moment... till the IT and the real estate sharks decide to milk their spaces dry. My point is development is welcome.. its good to see villages turning to towns, towns becoming town-cities (Mandya in recent times is a beautiful example), and the cities becoming bigger with all the state of art facilities in place. But, many a time all this comes at a very heavy price... peace and tranquility of the place are the first casualties and of course, poor greenery does not stand a chance. Why are these places taxed beyond their capacity to withstand? I can very well see that the 'penetration' and 'forays' of the IT and lifestyle corporations are likely to make these hitherto peaceful cities burst at their seams five years down the line. Little surprise, havent you already received an SMS from your service provider about some plot available some 50 kms from Bangalore enroute to Mysore? Well, this is what I am talking about...development at a price.

Anubhav: The Marital Reality Show

Another excellent comment on Basu Bhattacharya's 1971 classic, Anubhav. Till I saw this movie, I never knew Tanuja to be such a spontaneous, vivacious artiste. A typical case of talent never getting its due. And no suprise, that daughter Kajol made up for the mother s lack of it later in the 1990s... Well, Kajol inherited her grandmother Shobana Samarth's boldness, her mother s spontaneity and her equally famous Aunt, Nutan s intensity, and the result was the iconic stature she gained and she rose to, as a consistent third gen heir to the acting legacy of the Samarth-Mukherjee family. Read this review written by a discerning cine buff. Dont miss the shared video of the Geeta Dutt haunting melody 'Mujhe Jaan Na Kaho'alongwith this. For those who have not seen Anubhav, this will give you an idea about what I am saying...
ANUBHAV (1971) MOVIE Review, ANUBHAV (1971) MOVIE Actress, ANUBHAV (1971) MOVIE Actor, ANUBHAV (1971) MOVIE Hindi Film, Marital Reality Show!!! - MouthShut.com

Ghar: Intense, Sensitive, Heartwarming

A review of the 1978 Rekha -Vinod Mehra classic that I chanced upon in Mouthshut.com..as it goes, Kisi ne mere mooh ki baat chheen li:) Just what I wanted to say and write about one of the most intense movies I have ever watched - sensitive and relevant even today. GHAR MOVIE Review, GHAR MOVIE Actress, GHAR MOVIE Actor, GHAR MOVIE Hindi Film, Ghar - an amazing film! - MouthShut.com

Ode to the Lost Collective Consciousness

Catching up on old DD serials through the Internet has turned out to be a trip filled with heavy doses of nostalgia. I was in for a pleasant suprise. There are many people who still fondly recollect these serials and pay rich tributes. So am not alone in my reminiscenses, after all. And You Tube helps to bring some of the episodes back to us, thanks to dedicated sharing and uploading done by diehard fans. Humlog, Yeh Jo Hain Zindagi, Khandaan, Buniyaad, Isi Bahane, Udaan, Idhar Udhar, Paying Guest, Dekho Magar Pyaar Se, Kacchi Dhoop, Mashoor Mahal, Wah Janab, Ramayan, Mahabharat, Bharat Ek Khoj, Naqab, Nukkad, Ados Pados, Intezar, Manoranjan, Circus, Gul Gulshan Gulfam, Mirza Ghalib, Manzil Apni Apni, Fauji, Sanjha Chulha, Guldasta, Kshitij Yeh Nahin, Farmaan, Talaash, Phir Wohi Talaash, Karamchand, Malgudi Days, Kab Tak Pukaroon, Tamas, Mriganayani, Ek Kahani, Katha Sagar, Qile Ka Rahasya, Daane Anaar Ke, Mungeri Lal ke Haseen Sapne, Muzrim Hazir, Tehkikaat, Byomkesh Bakshi...and not to forget, dear old Chitrahaar and Rangoli..the list of memorable serials is endless. Have we ever wondered why? Well, quite simple. For one, it was early days of TV viewers for the bulk of us across the country and we lapped up everything that was given to us. Two, what was given was short and sweet and had the middle class audience at its core. No story prolonged with endless twists and turns, and stuck tautly to the original plot. Three, we watched an episode once a week. Four, we were bound by a collective consciousness, that is sorely missing today, and that s what separates the viewers of the DD golden age from those of today. The magic of waiting and watching something within a family, then many families put together make for what is known as the Collective Consciousness. I still vividly recall the days at school when we used to discuss with relish, the TV programs watched the previous evening - we all watched the same thing and so it was fun, because we were driven by the same feeling towards a serial, song, newsreader, announcer, anchor and well, even the the famous DD national integration themes. Remember the unforgettable Mile Sur Mera Tumhara? The latest Phir Mile is not a patch on the original one.

Now, in 2010, no two people within a circle are likely to be watching the same thing. Call up a friend or even your mom and the former would be catching up on a reality show from the zillions of them and your mom would most likely be watching a soap from the enths of them on a regional channel. While these are happy times in terms of choice and variety, I wonder if we are really watching or merely seeing a myriad images in front of us out of force of habit... and with attention spans almost in competition with those of infants, the situation doesnt get any better.

I am trying to do something about this at a personal level. I studiously avoid watching soaps and reality shows. Two, I catch up a bit on the news and withdraw once 24 hour news bombardment starts getting suffocating :) Three, I am trying to get episodes of some of my old faves and watching them. Currently, onto Byomkesh Bakshi and Kacchi Dhoop. Rajat Kapur' s fine act of the Bhadralok Sherlock Holmes is heartwarming and makes good viewing even today. Kacchi Dhoop, an adaptation of Little Women stays in my mind not only for its innocence but also because this serial happened to launch Bhagyashree of Maine Pyar Kiya fame. Well, the whole world talks of the SRK making it big from television, but few would remember poor Bhagyashree s similar rise to fame from television. Well, she did not sustain the glory while the Khan still shines, we dont talk of has-beens, do we?


And, one serial that really stayed with me was Kshitij Yeh Nahin. Adapted from Sachi Jamadar's Doosra Lagna, this was a unique love story between a widow and a man whose love she refuses to acknowledge till the very end. Supriya Pilgaonkar as Nisha Pradhan and Tushaar Dalvi as Shekar, came up with fine performances and Rajat Kapur, once again, as Akshay, Nisha s dead and gone husband completed the cameo angle. Veteran Vikram Gokhale as Nisha s doting father-in-law added to the acting cast. One story that I would really want to revisit and see all over again and lose myself in a different world. As for my fave title track, I think Shyam Benegal's Bharat Ek Khoj would win hands down.. there is something haunting in the vedic chants that reverberate in the opening notes.
Meanwhile, I am enjoying the bliss of good old DD and hope others are also digging out stuff too and rejoicing, like I am. Join the gang!

It is Still a Man s World

I am no feminist, but let s face it- Women have to always make peace with life and the world. When I was growing up, I would often hear my mom s laments, and the one that stayed with me, "It s a man s world". She had her reasons.. well, she was in charge of everything in the family, right from the proverbial 'pin to plane', and besides she had a full time job and two children and two pets to manage. Dad, with due respect to him, did not so much as even lift a pen or a pin to help around the house- this despite having the luxury of time. And, that did not stop him from assuming the role of the decision maker. So, in effect, Mom never enjoyed any autonomy, and was relegated to being an executive, crudely put. Her story may not have been too different from that of women in any other middle class household of her time. Did these women have a choice, but to make peace so as not to upset the apple cart? Well, I realize now that poor Mom had a point in lamenting and will continue to do so.

Vintage bollywood of the 1920s right upto the '40s had some very unconventional leading ladies - be it Devika Rani, Shobhana Samarth, Kanan Devi and Durga Khote, amongst others. These women had to strive hard to break myths within and outside the industry about their profession, and as women who subsisted and subsisted well, thank you:)But did the gossip mills and the men around really spare them? They were given labels that would make a slum dweller blush.And all because they periodically challeged the mores laid down by society and never conformed. Enough reason for the men to get worked up, aint it?

While going through Lata-in her own voice, the book version of transcriptions of conversations of India s nightingale with Nasreen Munni Kabir, we get to understand how Lata Mangeshkar stands tall in a male dominated industry. Her struggle to success is inspirational for many talented young women. Although typical of her generation, Lata is diplomacy personified, reading through the pages, one also does not fail to draw inferences that she had to contend with difficult men and their egos all the time. Men, who perhaps nurtured her and expected her to toe the line and not dare to cross the 'lakshman rekha'. Lata, to her credit, has always cocked a snook at such men and moved on, fully aware that her matchless voice would drive the very same men to her doors. The highlight of the lady s life is the fact that she never married, though the media even those days linked her to some luminaries. Does it take too much for anyone to guess why Lata never settled down to a life of matrimony and motherhood? I dont fancy any man of her time- with the honourable exception of the late M.S Subbulakshmi s husband, Sadasivam -having the nerve to nurture and let a talented wife go ahead and chase her career and success. Lata had to pay for her success, a fact she does not regret much, but yes, a fact she acknowledges candidly to biographer Nasreen Kabir.

Has the scenario changed for the better in this day and age? I am afraid not. The celluloid world across the globe is replete with instances of famous talented actresses taking a break after marriage and motherhood. The story is the same for the average woman on the street. Well, no one asks the father to take breaks.. after all, its the woman who bears the child and is therfore the de facto nurturer and 'life-giver'. Paternity leave notwithstanding, I would still not see a man putting his life and career on hold for a few years in order to 'just be around' with his baby or to just in order to allow his wife to re-pursue a career. A woman is expected to willingly give it all up, if her husband relocates, or if he feels family should be priority for her, and she should never so much as question any of his actions or 'come in the way of his dreams', while hers are being right royally trampled upon, otherwise she is branded demanding, nagging, selfish, individualistic and career chasing. Men would be lambasting those 'types' during their weekend drinking sessions, and would be thanking their stars for not having such harridans as wives:). Well, its not entirely a man s fault. Since, times immemorial, irrespective of culture or subtext, we have raised the men to a pedestral giving them glorious titles, "oh, the breadwinner, ah the saviour"; we have boosted and massaged their egos with great care. A step further, we have even allowed ourselves to be called, "a sex full of guiles and charms, difficult to please, woman the mystery", amongst many others. All this was done, again at the behest of a man, someone who guided us into believing he was the be-all and end-all of our miniscule existence. So, how would he be expected to change tracks and accept the changing equations?


A recent article in a mainstream daily supplement reiterated the point. Women today, especially in urban India, find themselves in a catch 22 situation. On one hand, they are better off than their mothers and grandmothers with access to education, plum jobs and loads of financial independence. On the other hand, there are no free meals ever. The whole package comes at a price, my dear ladies, and a thankless one at that. You now have to be super educated, smart, successful and super sexy as well. After all, who is ever going to look at you if you are not worth it?:) Besides darlings, dont forget to put the meals (healthy ones, mind you) on time on the dining table for your poor famished man and kiddos. Manage the family, the house, the extended family, go to the gym, attend to chores with clockwork precision, besides not to forget, be on your social best when people come home or when you go to parties alongwith with hubby dearest... and its your life, you should know how to find a purpose, handle back biting colleagues and competition, handle road rage and negotiate things with equanimity. "Asli Duniya mein aayi ho toh uska saamna karne ki himmat bhi rakho." Get it? And dearie, please mind your language, no profanities and agression, tumhen yeh sab shobha nahin deti!". The writing on the wall is crystal clear: comply or fly, shape up or ship out; the choice is yours. :). Women today are dealing with men who are not outright MCPs like the men of their father's generation. They come across as a wee bit more approachable, but this new breed of men have a way of making women squirm with their martyr-like silences, coldness and cover-ups, and leave them with little choice but to compromise, if not, well, the door s wide open..:)

And for all those naive women who think they have stormed male bastions in different fields, let me tell them that their other sisters are still ready to commodify themselves as objects to cater to the male fantasy. And all this happens happens daily everywhere in the name of 'modernity, glamour, sensuality and asthetics'. Worldover, women sell themselves silly and cheap for a few extra bucks - as pop divas, as cheerleaders, as anchors and even porn stars; they are just everywhere, catering to the burgeoning demand of the male mind and hormones. Now, whose fault is it? The men? Dont be silly. Its symbiotic. Men will be men and will watch when a woman is ready to show and flaunt right?:) Whether it is the mainstream Hollywood or pop wave of the west from the 60s to the current day glam revolution of today s India, it s all the same. Women may or may not have realized this. But, they have and will always remain puppets in the hands of their men. Poor things, we remain in the beautiful illusion that we are 'liberated'. In an article from a film tabloid that I happened to chance upon, a legendary actor was openly disppointed with his biographer wife s interpretation of his love affairs. While I intially sympathized with the ageing actor, I sat down to think how angry the lady must have been in order to go ahead and wash dirty linen in public. The man, by his own admission, came across as a self indulgent selfish man who never did justice to any of the women in his life. So, am wondering what the 'disillusionment' was all about?:)

The recent Supreme Court ruling on live-in relationships and premarital sex was seen as a watershed in fundamental rights, and women may feel this could be a big step towards personal freedom. Wait before you rejoice. At the risk of sounding politically incorrect, let me tell you that mere beer swigging, free love and hedonism do not make a free woman, free in every sense of the word. Somehow, it brings back the intensity of a woman's bondage all the more. Arent we still going to be playing to the male gallery? In the years to come, like it happened in the West from the 60s onwards, we will also see a generation of girls, single mothers, conveniently abandoned by their men for greener pastures, burdened witn the responsibility of bringing up their kids, a la Vidya Balan s role in Paa..? And for those ladies all set to embark on the extra marital terrain, you could nt be further from your eternal quest for love and security, coz my dears, each man and relationship come with their own Emotional Atyaachaar! You re better off with the first or all by yourself:).

Durga, Kali, Lakshmi, Saraswati..Ironically, the Indian woman deals with different travails in different landscapes, be it rural or urban, so much for being venerated as the 'Devis'. I would love to share Suhasini Maniratnam s optimism in a recent interview where she believes that women's complete liberation is just a couple of generations away. And we eagerly await the 33 percent reservation for women in Parliament and Government bodies. But cynical me would not so easily buy the optimistic gush. Meanwhile, ladies, we have to deal with insult to injury, while womenfolk are doled out a Women s Day. However since today is Mother s Day (Thank God for small mercies:)), I salute my mother and all the women across the world who are braving it out amidst declining sex ratios, without giving up ever. Well, is the Almighty listening? I have my grave doubts, coz, doesnt the Supreme Force happen to be a male too?:)