I am no feminist, but let s face it- Women have to always make peace with life and the world. When I was growing up, I would often hear my mom s laments, and the one that stayed with me, "It s a man s world". She had her reasons.. well, she was in charge of everything in the family, right from the proverbial 'pin to plane', and besides she had a full time job and two children and two pets to manage. Dad, with due respect to him, did not so much as even lift a pen or a pin to help around the house- this despite having the luxury of time. And, that did not stop him from assuming the role of the decision maker. So, in effect, Mom never enjoyed any autonomy, and was relegated to being an executive, crudely put. Her story may not have been too different from that of women in any other middle class household of her time. Did these women have a choice, but to make peace so as not to upset the apple cart? Well, I realize now that poor Mom had a point in lamenting and will continue to do so.
Vintage bollywood of the 1920s right upto the '40s had some very unconventional leading ladies - be it Devika Rani, Shobhana Samarth, Kanan Devi and Durga Khote, amongst others. These women had to strive hard to break myths within and outside the industry about their profession, and as women who subsisted and subsisted well, thank you:)But did the gossip mills and the men around really spare them? They were given labels that would make a slum dweller blush.And all because they periodically challeged the mores laid down by society and never conformed. Enough reason for the men to get worked up, aint it?
While going through Lata-in her own voice, the book version of transcriptions of conversations of India s nightingale with Nasreen Munni Kabir, we get to understand how Lata Mangeshkar stands tall in a male dominated industry. Her struggle to success is inspirational for many talented young women. Although typical of her generation, Lata is diplomacy personified, reading through the pages, one also does not fail to draw inferences that she had to contend with difficult men and their egos all the time. Men, who perhaps nurtured her and expected her to toe the line and not dare to cross the 'lakshman rekha'. Lata, to her credit, has always cocked a snook at such men and moved on, fully aware that her matchless voice would drive the very same men to her doors. The highlight of the lady s life is the fact that she never married, though the media even those days linked her to some luminaries. Does it take too much for anyone to guess why Lata never settled down to a life of matrimony and motherhood? I dont fancy any man of her time- with the honourable exception of the late M.S Subbulakshmi s husband, Sadasivam -having the nerve to nurture and let a talented wife go ahead and chase her career and success. Lata had to pay for her success, a fact she does not regret much, but yes, a fact she acknowledges candidly to biographer Nasreen Kabir.
Has the scenario changed for the better in this day and age? I am afraid not. The celluloid world across the globe is replete with instances of famous talented actresses taking a break after marriage and motherhood. The story is the same for the average woman on the street. Well, no one asks the father to take breaks.. after all, its the woman who bears the child and is therfore the de facto nurturer and 'life-giver'. Paternity leave notwithstanding, I would still not see a man putting his life and career on hold for a few years in order to 'just be around' with his baby or to just in order to allow his wife to re-pursue a career. A woman is expected to willingly give it all up, if her husband relocates, or if he feels family should be priority for her, and she should never so much as question any of his actions or 'come in the way of his dreams', while hers are being right royally trampled upon, otherwise she is branded demanding, nagging, selfish, individualistic and career chasing. Men would be lambasting those 'types' during their weekend drinking sessions, and would be thanking their stars for not having such harridans as wives:). Well, its not entirely a man s fault. Since, times immemorial, irrespective of culture or subtext, we have raised the men to a pedestral giving them glorious titles, "oh, the breadwinner, ah the saviour"; we have boosted and massaged their egos with great care. A step further, we have even allowed ourselves to be called, "a sex full of guiles and charms, difficult to please, woman the mystery", amongst many others. All this was done, again at the behest of a man, someone who guided us into believing he was the be-all and end-all of our miniscule existence. So, how would he be expected to change tracks and accept the changing equations?
A recent article in a mainstream daily supplement reiterated the point. Women today, especially in urban India, find themselves in a catch 22 situation. On one hand, they are better off than their mothers and grandmothers with access to education, plum jobs and loads of financial independence. On the other hand, there are no free meals ever. The whole package comes at a price, my dear ladies, and a thankless one at that. You now have to be super educated, smart, successful and super sexy as well. After all, who is ever going to look at you if you are not worth it?:) Besides darlings, dont forget to put the meals (healthy ones, mind you) on time on the dining table for your poor famished man and kiddos. Manage the family, the house, the extended family, go to the gym, attend to chores with clockwork precision, besides not to forget, be on your social best when people come home or when you go to parties alongwith with hubby dearest... and its your life, you should know how to find a purpose, handle back biting colleagues and competition, handle road rage and negotiate things with equanimity. "Asli Duniya mein aayi ho toh uska saamna karne ki himmat bhi rakho." Get it? And dearie, please mind your language, no profanities and agression, tumhen yeh sab shobha nahin deti!". The writing on the wall is crystal clear: comply or fly, shape up or ship out; the choice is yours. :). Women today are dealing with men who are not outright MCPs like the men of their father's generation. They come across as a wee bit more approachable, but this new breed of men have a way of making women squirm with their martyr-like silences, coldness and cover-ups, and leave them with little choice but to compromise, if not, well, the door s wide open..:)
And for all those naive women who think they have stormed male bastions in different fields, let me tell them that their other sisters are still ready to commodify themselves as objects to cater to the male fantasy. And all this happens happens daily everywhere in the name of 'modernity, glamour, sensuality and asthetics'. Worldover, women sell themselves silly and cheap for a few extra bucks - as pop divas, as cheerleaders, as anchors and even porn stars; they are just everywhere, catering to the burgeoning demand of the male mind and hormones. Now, whose fault is it? The men? Dont be silly. Its symbiotic. Men will be men and will watch when a woman is ready to show and flaunt right?:) Whether it is the mainstream Hollywood or pop wave of the west from the 60s to the current day glam revolution of today s India, it s all the same. Women may or may not have realized this. But, they have and will always remain puppets in the hands of their men. Poor things, we remain in the beautiful illusion that we are 'liberated'. In an article from a film tabloid that I happened to chance upon, a legendary actor was openly disppointed with his biographer wife s interpretation of his love affairs. While I intially sympathized with the ageing actor, I sat down to think how angry the lady must have been in order to go ahead and wash dirty linen in public. The man, by his own admission, came across as a self indulgent selfish man who never did justice to any of the women in his life. So, am wondering what the 'disillusionment' was all about?:)
The recent Supreme Court ruling on live-in relationships and premarital sex was seen as a watershed in fundamental rights, and women may feel this could be a big step towards personal freedom. Wait before you rejoice. At the risk of sounding politically incorrect, let me tell you that mere beer swigging, free love and hedonism do not make a free woman, free in every sense of the word. Somehow, it brings back the intensity of a woman's bondage all the more. Arent we still going to be playing to the male gallery? In the years to come, like it happened in the West from the 60s onwards, we will also see a generation of girls, single mothers, conveniently abandoned by their men for greener pastures, burdened witn the responsibility of bringing up their kids, a la Vidya Balan s role in Paa..? And for those ladies all set to embark on the extra marital terrain, you could nt be further from your eternal quest for love and security, coz my dears, each man and relationship come with their own Emotional Atyaachaar! You re better off with the first or all by yourself:).
Durga, Kali, Lakshmi, Saraswati..Ironically, the Indian woman deals with different travails in different landscapes, be it rural or urban, so much for being venerated as the 'Devis'. I would love to share Suhasini Maniratnam s optimism in a recent interview where she believes that women's complete liberation is just a couple of generations away. And we eagerly await the 33 percent reservation for women in Parliament and Government bodies. But cynical me would not so easily buy the optimistic gush. Meanwhile, ladies, we have to deal with insult to injury, while womenfolk are doled out a Women s Day. However since today is Mother s Day (Thank God for small mercies:)), I salute my mother and all the women across the world who are braving it out amidst declining sex ratios, without giving up ever. Well, is the Almighty listening? I have my grave doubts, coz, doesnt the Supreme Force happen to be a male too?:)
Vintage bollywood of the 1920s right upto the '40s had some very unconventional leading ladies - be it Devika Rani, Shobhana Samarth, Kanan Devi and Durga Khote, amongst others. These women had to strive hard to break myths within and outside the industry about their profession, and as women who subsisted and subsisted well, thank you:)But did the gossip mills and the men around really spare them? They were given labels that would make a slum dweller blush.And all because they periodically challeged the mores laid down by society and never conformed. Enough reason for the men to get worked up, aint it?
While going through Lata-in her own voice, the book version of transcriptions of conversations of India s nightingale with Nasreen Munni Kabir, we get to understand how Lata Mangeshkar stands tall in a male dominated industry. Her struggle to success is inspirational for many talented young women. Although typical of her generation, Lata is diplomacy personified, reading through the pages, one also does not fail to draw inferences that she had to contend with difficult men and their egos all the time. Men, who perhaps nurtured her and expected her to toe the line and not dare to cross the 'lakshman rekha'. Lata, to her credit, has always cocked a snook at such men and moved on, fully aware that her matchless voice would drive the very same men to her doors. The highlight of the lady s life is the fact that she never married, though the media even those days linked her to some luminaries. Does it take too much for anyone to guess why Lata never settled down to a life of matrimony and motherhood? I dont fancy any man of her time- with the honourable exception of the late M.S Subbulakshmi s husband, Sadasivam -having the nerve to nurture and let a talented wife go ahead and chase her career and success. Lata had to pay for her success, a fact she does not regret much, but yes, a fact she acknowledges candidly to biographer Nasreen Kabir.
Has the scenario changed for the better in this day and age? I am afraid not. The celluloid world across the globe is replete with instances of famous talented actresses taking a break after marriage and motherhood. The story is the same for the average woman on the street. Well, no one asks the father to take breaks.. after all, its the woman who bears the child and is therfore the de facto nurturer and 'life-giver'. Paternity leave notwithstanding, I would still not see a man putting his life and career on hold for a few years in order to 'just be around' with his baby or to just in order to allow his wife to re-pursue a career. A woman is expected to willingly give it all up, if her husband relocates, or if he feels family should be priority for her, and she should never so much as question any of his actions or 'come in the way of his dreams', while hers are being right royally trampled upon, otherwise she is branded demanding, nagging, selfish, individualistic and career chasing. Men would be lambasting those 'types' during their weekend drinking sessions, and would be thanking their stars for not having such harridans as wives:). Well, its not entirely a man s fault. Since, times immemorial, irrespective of culture or subtext, we have raised the men to a pedestral giving them glorious titles, "oh, the breadwinner, ah the saviour"; we have boosted and massaged their egos with great care. A step further, we have even allowed ourselves to be called, "a sex full of guiles and charms, difficult to please, woman the mystery", amongst many others. All this was done, again at the behest of a man, someone who guided us into believing he was the be-all and end-all of our miniscule existence. So, how would he be expected to change tracks and accept the changing equations?
A recent article in a mainstream daily supplement reiterated the point. Women today, especially in urban India, find themselves in a catch 22 situation. On one hand, they are better off than their mothers and grandmothers with access to education, plum jobs and loads of financial independence. On the other hand, there are no free meals ever. The whole package comes at a price, my dear ladies, and a thankless one at that. You now have to be super educated, smart, successful and super sexy as well. After all, who is ever going to look at you if you are not worth it?:) Besides darlings, dont forget to put the meals (healthy ones, mind you) on time on the dining table for your poor famished man and kiddos. Manage the family, the house, the extended family, go to the gym, attend to chores with clockwork precision, besides not to forget, be on your social best when people come home or when you go to parties alongwith with hubby dearest... and its your life, you should know how to find a purpose, handle back biting colleagues and competition, handle road rage and negotiate things with equanimity. "Asli Duniya mein aayi ho toh uska saamna karne ki himmat bhi rakho." Get it? And dearie, please mind your language, no profanities and agression, tumhen yeh sab shobha nahin deti!". The writing on the wall is crystal clear: comply or fly, shape up or ship out; the choice is yours. :). Women today are dealing with men who are not outright MCPs like the men of their father's generation. They come across as a wee bit more approachable, but this new breed of men have a way of making women squirm with their martyr-like silences, coldness and cover-ups, and leave them with little choice but to compromise, if not, well, the door s wide open..:)
And for all those naive women who think they have stormed male bastions in different fields, let me tell them that their other sisters are still ready to commodify themselves as objects to cater to the male fantasy. And all this happens happens daily everywhere in the name of 'modernity, glamour, sensuality and asthetics'. Worldover, women sell themselves silly and cheap for a few extra bucks - as pop divas, as cheerleaders, as anchors and even porn stars; they are just everywhere, catering to the burgeoning demand of the male mind and hormones. Now, whose fault is it? The men? Dont be silly. Its symbiotic. Men will be men and will watch when a woman is ready to show and flaunt right?:) Whether it is the mainstream Hollywood or pop wave of the west from the 60s to the current day glam revolution of today s India, it s all the same. Women may or may not have realized this. But, they have and will always remain puppets in the hands of their men. Poor things, we remain in the beautiful illusion that we are 'liberated'. In an article from a film tabloid that I happened to chance upon, a legendary actor was openly disppointed with his biographer wife s interpretation of his love affairs. While I intially sympathized with the ageing actor, I sat down to think how angry the lady must have been in order to go ahead and wash dirty linen in public. The man, by his own admission, came across as a self indulgent selfish man who never did justice to any of the women in his life. So, am wondering what the 'disillusionment' was all about?:)
The recent Supreme Court ruling on live-in relationships and premarital sex was seen as a watershed in fundamental rights, and women may feel this could be a big step towards personal freedom. Wait before you rejoice. At the risk of sounding politically incorrect, let me tell you that mere beer swigging, free love and hedonism do not make a free woman, free in every sense of the word. Somehow, it brings back the intensity of a woman's bondage all the more. Arent we still going to be playing to the male gallery? In the years to come, like it happened in the West from the 60s onwards, we will also see a generation of girls, single mothers, conveniently abandoned by their men for greener pastures, burdened witn the responsibility of bringing up their kids, a la Vidya Balan s role in Paa..? And for those ladies all set to embark on the extra marital terrain, you could nt be further from your eternal quest for love and security, coz my dears, each man and relationship come with their own Emotional Atyaachaar! You re better off with the first or all by yourself:).
Durga, Kali, Lakshmi, Saraswati..Ironically, the Indian woman deals with different travails in different landscapes, be it rural or urban, so much for being venerated as the 'Devis'. I would love to share Suhasini Maniratnam s optimism in a recent interview where she believes that women's complete liberation is just a couple of generations away. And we eagerly await the 33 percent reservation for women in Parliament and Government bodies. But cynical me would not so easily buy the optimistic gush. Meanwhile, ladies, we have to deal with insult to injury, while womenfolk are doled out a Women s Day. However since today is Mother s Day (Thank God for small mercies:)), I salute my mother and all the women across the world who are braving it out amidst declining sex ratios, without giving up ever. Well, is the Almighty listening? I have my grave doubts, coz, doesnt the Supreme Force happen to be a male too?:)
An excellent read. But philosophically I believe the fight of the sexes is too insignificant and irrelevant. Human existence (immaterial of whether you are woman or man )is but an illusion created by 100 billion neurons.
ReplyDeletethanks, Anup. i would love to agree with you, but reality bites hard and there s no place for philosophy or utopia:).
ReplyDeletenicely said and 100% agree with your views!
ReplyDelete:)))
DeleteI believe there won't be a time when these thoughts won't hold true. Be it today, tomorrow or forever.
ReplyDeleteyes, I agree...sad, but true
DeleteAn excellent and crude take on reality. Have seen it happening and couldn't have agreed more with your article.
ReplyDeletehmmmm...yep...hard reality
Delete